I often meet with young families in Manhattan who have just purchased their first apartment and are expecting their first child. They are busy, successful, and focused on building a future. They think estate planning is for their parents—a task for later in life. They don’t realize that by failing to create a plan, they have already chosen one: the default plan written for them by New York State, which almost never matches what a family would have chosen for itself.
My work isn’t about documents. It’s about taking control of that default narrative. It’s about replacing the state’s impersonal process with a deliberate, intentional plan that protects the people you love and preserves what you’ve built. Stewardship.
Beyond the Will: A Plan for Incapacity
Most people associate estate planning with a Last Will and Testament. While a will is a critical document that directs where your assets go after your death, it does nothing for you while you are alive. Much of my practice involves planning for contingency—for the possibility of a serious illness or injury that leaves you unable to make decisions for yourself.
Without legal documents in place, your family must petition a court to have a guardian appointed to manage your affairs. The process is slow, expensive, and deeply stressful for your loved ones at an already difficult time. It also opens the door for disputes if family members disagree on who should be in charge or what medical decisions should be made.
We address this with two powerful instruments: a Durable Power of Attorney and a Health Care Proxy. The Power of Attorney appoints a trusted agent to handle your financial matters—paying bills, managing investments, running a business—if you cannot. The Health Care Proxy designates someone to make medical decisions on your behalf, guided by your wishes. These are not just forms. They are profound grants of authority, and choosing the right people for these roles is one of the most important decisions you will make.
The State’s Plan vs. Your Plan
Dying without a will means you have died “intestate.” When this happens, New York law dictates how your assets are distributed. The rules, found in the Estates, Powers and Trusts Law (EPTL), are rigid. For example, under EPTL § 4-1.1, if you have a spouse and children, your spouse inherits the first $50,000 of your property and one-half of the remaining balance. Your children inherit everything else.
This statutory formula creates unintended consequences. For many families, it may not provide enough for the surviving spouse to maintain their lifestyle. For blended families, it can lead to conflict and outcomes the deceased person never would have wanted. If you have an unmarried partner, they receive nothing under the state’s plan—no matter how many years you spent together. The Surrogate’s Court doesn’t know your relationships or your intentions. It only knows the law.
An estate plan replaces that generic formula with your specific instructions. Through a will or a trust, you decide who inherits, how much they receive, and when they receive it. You can protect a child’s inheritance from creditors or a future divorce. You can provide for a partner, a favorite charity, or a relative with special needs. You regain control from the state and place it back where it belongs—with you.
The Fiduciary: Your Custodian of Trust
A plan is only as effective as the people you choose to carry it out. When you create a will, you name an Executor. When you create a trust, you name a Trustee. We call these individuals “fiduciaries.” The term is specific: a fiduciary has a legal duty to act with the utmost good faith and loyalty, putting the interests of the estate and its beneficiaries above their own.
Choosing a fiduciary isn’t a popularity contest. It is not about picking your oldest child or closest friend to avoid hurting their feelings. It is a business decision. The person you choose must be responsible, organized, and able to communicate clearly with beneficiaries, who may be grieving and anxious. They will be responsible for gathering assets, paying debts and taxes, and making distributions according to your instructions. It is a demanding job.
I spend considerable time with my clients discussing this choice. We consider not just a person’s integrity but their financial acumen, their location, their age, and their ability to be impartial. Sometimes the prudent choice is a professional trustee—a bank or trust company that brings experience and neutrality to the role. The decision of who will serve as the custodian of your legacy is fundamental to the success of your entire plan.
The work of estate planning is to build a framework that holds up under pressure. It provides clear, legally enforceable instructions so your family doesn’t have to guess at your wishes or fight in court. It is a final gift to those you leave behind.
Your first step doesn’t have to be a meeting with an attorney. Take thirty minutes this week to sketch out your family tree and list your major assets. Seeing it all on one page is often the catalyst for understanding what is truly at stake. When you are ready, that simple document is the perfect starting point for a conversation about how to protect it.
