A family gathers around a kitchen table in Queens after the funeral. The grief is heavy, but soon someone shares a story about their father’s lifelong, disastrous war with the squirrels in his backyard—a saga involving failed high-tech traps and elaborate, ultimately useless, scarecrows. Laughter, real and cathartic, fills the room. Now they face a blank screen, tasked with writing his obituary. How do you capture a spirit like that—a man whose life was defined as much by his humor as his hard work—in a few hundred words?
A Final Act of Stewardship
An obituary is more than a notice of death. It is the first public draft of a person’s legacy, the final story told in their honor. For many families I have worked with over the years, a somber, formal notice would be a genuine disservice to the person they knew and loved. A life filled with laughter deserves to be remembered with a smile, not just with tears.
The goal is not simply to be funny; it is to be authentic. Capturing a parent’s dry wit, a spouse’s love for a practical joke, or a friend’s penchant for telling outlandish stories is an act of intentional stewardship. It tells the world who they truly were, beyond the dates of birth and death and the names of survivors. This is not about making light of a profound loss. It is about celebrating a life in the same key it was lived—a final, loving nod to the person who brought so much joy to others.
The Executor’s Role and Family Harmony
While an obituary is not a legal document like a will, it exists within a legal context. The person named as executor in the will—the fiduciary responsible for administering the estate through the New York Surrogate’s Court—typically has the authority to make and pay for funeral arrangements. Under the Surrogate’s Court Procedure Act (SCPA) § 1801, reasonable funeral expenses are a priority debt of the estate. This authority implicitly extends to the public notice of death.
This is where matters can get complicated. Humor is deeply subjective. What one child finds a hilarious and fitting tribute, another might find undignified. As the estate’s fiduciary, the executor has a duty to act prudently and in the best interests of the estate, which includes maintaining family harmony where possible. A controversial obituary could create friction among beneficiaries at the very start of the probate process. I have seen disagreements over far smaller things derail an otherwise straightforward administration.
The prudent step is to build consensus among the immediate family before publishing something unconventional. The executor’s primary job is to settle the estate according to the decedent’s wishes, not to start a family feud that could complicate that process. A shared moment of laughter is a gift—a public dispute is a burden.
Finding the Right Words and Tone
Crafting a humorous tribute requires care. It is less about telling jokes and more about revealing a unique character through specific, memorable details. If you are tasked with this duty, consider these principles.
Gather the Stories
Do not try to write it alone. Talk to siblings, close friends, and other relatives. Ask them for the one story they always tell about the person. You will find themes emerge—a signature phrase, a beloved quirk, a recurring funny situation. One person might remember their grandfather’s bizarre cooking experiments, while another recalls his terrible singing. Together, these fragments form a complete, authentic picture.
Show, Don’t Tell
The best tributes show, they do not tell. Instead of stating, “She had a great sense of humor,” describe the time she entered her prize-winning rose in the county fair under a ridiculous pseudonym. Instead of “He was a character,” mention his “firm belief that ketchup was a universal condiment, appropriate for everything from steak to ice cream.” The specific story is always more powerful.
Borrow Their Voice
Read their old letters or text messages. How did they communicate? Were they known for their sharp, dry wit? Did they love puns? The best funny obituaries sound as if the person might have written it themselves, with a celestial wink. The tribute should match their specific brand of humor.
Lead with Love
The humor must always come from a place of deep affection. It is about laughing with them, one last time, celebrating the quirks that made them unique and beloved. The underlying message is never mockery; it is joy. The final tribute should feel like a warm, inside joke shared with the entire world.
Reflecting on how a loved one will be remembered often turns our thoughts toward our own legacy. The planning we do now—the deliberate, intentional work of creating a will or a trust—is what provides our families with clarity and stability later. An obituary is the public narrative, but an estate plan is the private, binding instruction set for the future you want to build for them.
If you are ready to put your own intentions into a clear, legally sound plan—from naming an executor to structuring your trusts—the first step is a conversation to map out the structure of your estate.
