A client once came to our Manhattan office ready to sign his will. He was a successful entrepreneur, leaving a significant legacy for his two young children. For trustee, he had named his oldest and dearest friend—a man he’d known since childhood, the godfather to his son. It seemed like the natural choice. “I trust him with my life,” he said.
My question was simple: “Do you trust him with your life’s work?”
The conversation that followed is one I have with many families. The personal trust we place in friends and family is a vital part of life. But the legal and financial trust required of a fiduciary—an executor of a will or a trustee of a trust—is a different standard entirely. It is not just about honesty. It is about diligence, impartiality, financial acumen, and an unwavering commitment to a legally defined duty.
Personal Loyalty vs. Fiduciary Duty
Choosing the person who will manage your assets after you are gone is one of the most critical decisions in estate planning. It is an act of profound trust. But that trust must be placed in someone capable of the immense responsibility that comes with the title. In New York, this is not just a moral obligation; it is a legal one, governed by a strict set of rules known as fiduciary duty.
This is the highest standard of care recognized by the law. A trustee cannot self-deal, cannot co-mingle trust assets with their own, and must act with prudence and undivided loyalty to the beneficiaries. The law takes this so seriously that New York’s Estates, Powers and Trusts Law (EPTL) § 11-1.7 explicitly makes it against public policy for a will or trust to grant an executor or trustee immunity from liability for failing to exercise reasonable care. The law will not allow you to forgive negligence in advance.
Think about what this means for your best friend, your sibling, or your adult child. Are they prepared to manage and invest a portfolio prudently? To keep meticulous financial records and file annual tax returns for the trust? Can they make difficult, impartial decisions about distributing funds to beneficiaries—who may be their own relatives? Can they say “no” to a beneficiary’s request when it conflicts with the trust’s terms?
A person can be wonderfully loyal and honest but lack the financial sophistication or emotional fortitude for the job. Appointing them can be a burden, not an honor—one that can strain family relationships to the breaking point.
The Practical Burdens of Stewardship
I have seen firsthand what happens when a well-meaning but unqualified family member is named trustee. They might make a poor investment decision, not out of malice, but from inexperience. They might fail to account for their actions properly, leading to suspicion and resentment among beneficiaries. Suddenly, family dinners are filled with tension, and Surrogate’s Court becomes the only place for resolution.
The role is not passive. It is an active, demanding job. A trustee must be a bookkeeper, an investment manager, a tax preparer, and a diplomat. They are accountable to the beneficiaries and, ultimately, to the court. This is not a role for someone already overwhelmed with their own career and family, or for someone who finds finances stressful.
Before naming an individual, I ask my clients to consider the day-to-day reality. Imagine your daughter needs a distribution from the trust to start a business. Your son, the trustee, believes the business plan is weak. He has a fiduciary duty to preserve the trust principal. If he denies the request, he risks a permanent rift with his sister. If he grants it and the business fails, he may have breached his duty to the trust’s other beneficiaries—perhaps your future grandchildren.
This is the reality of stewardship. It is a series of difficult judgments made under pressure.
Considering a Professional or Corporate Trustee
For these reasons, many families decide to appoint a professional or corporate trustee, such as a bank or a trust company. The immediate objection is often the cost, and yes, professional fiduciaries are paid a fee from the trust assets. But the cost of an amateur’s mistake is almost always higher.
A corporate trustee brings impartiality and expertise. They are not caught in the crossfire of family dynamics. They have entire departments dedicated to investment management, accounting, and tax compliance. They do not get sick, they do not move away, and they do not die. They provide continuity and a level of professional management that an individual rarely can.
This does not mean a family member has no role. We often design plans that involve both. A family member can be appointed as a co-trustee or a “trust protector,” giving them the power to consult on major decisions or even replace the corporate trustee if necessary. This structure combines professional administration with personal insight—a prudent and powerful contingency.
The decision of who will carry your legacy forward is not a simple one. It requires a clear-eyed assessment that separates deep personal affection from the demanding, technical duties of a fiduciary.
Before you finalize your will or trust, list the actual tasks your chosen trustee will have to perform. If you are unsure whether your candidate is equipped for that list, it is a sign that we should discuss your other options. I invite you to schedule a meeting with our firm to specifically review the fiduciary appointments in your current plan.
